By: Hason Mutunzi Bwambale

In the latest episode of political shenanigans, the National Association of Bullies (NAB) has valiantly risen to the occasion yet again, this time to ensure that the Underwhelming Broadcasting Corporation (UBC) stays firmly planted in its feeble position in the media spaces. Why embrace progress and change when you can bask in the warm glow of stagnancy, right?

The NAB's recent boycott of government events, press conferences, and related functions has left jaws dropping and eyebrows raised. What could possibly be the reason behind such an audacious move? Brace yourselves for a tale as convoluted as a conspiracy theorist's dream!

It all started when the President, in a fit of unbridled brilliance, decided that the best way to fund UBC was by funneling all government advertisements through UBC, the national broadcaster. Now, one might think that this newfound support could give UBC the much-needed boost to become a media powerhouse, but oh no, not on NAB's watch!

The NAB, with pitchforks and torches raised high, instantly condemned this directive as an assault on the sacred ground of media freedom. Who needs a little monopolistic collaboration, right? NAB swiftly embarked on a noble journey to petition Parliament to review this heinous deed.

But why, you may ask, would NAB oppose such a move? Well, picture this: UBC, with its lackadaisical reporting, uninspiring content, and dated approach, has become synonymous with mediocrity. It's a national treasure to be cherished, like that old pair of moth-eaten socks your grandmother knitted for you. NAB, therefore, finds it its solemn duty to preserve UBC's signature mediocrity and prevent it from experiencing the horrors of progress.

Just imagine a world where UBC, under the wing of government advertisements, could suddenly gain access to cutting-edge resources, talent, and technology. Who needs that kind of transformation when we have decades of tradition to uphold? Efficiency and innovation are vastly overrated, after all.

NAB's boycott, oh so reminiscent of a graceful waltz, dances around the notion of progress and accountability. By keeping UBC in a perpetual state of weakness, their actions ensure that the status quo remains unchallenged. After all, who wants a media powerhouse that holds politicians accountable, asks difficult questions, and offers fresh perspectives when we could settle for the cozy familiarity of lackluster reporting?

So, let's raise our glasses and toast to NAB's remarkable efforts in preserving the legacy of UBC as the epitome of extraordinary ordinariness. May it forever serve as a shining example of how steadfast commitment to stagnation can triumph over the allure of excellence and progress.

As NAB continues its tireless crusade against change and innovation, we find solace in knowing that mediocrity will always have a safe haven in the arms of the dedicated few. Long live UBC, the crown jewel of underachievement in the vibrant tapestry of media spaces!